Monday, January 27, 2014

FOOOOOOOTBALLLLLLLLLL

Super Bowl XXXXIMCCXCIVXIIVIX will begin soon and personally, I can’t wait for it. The end of the god forsaken football season means it is the greatest amount of time before the next gladiatorial battle we affectionately call the Super Bowl.


Men doing battle on the field of sport. Fuck you… Have you people ever even seen RUGBY?!?


I can’t wait for football to crawl back underneath the tight pant and jock strap adorned rock from which it emerges annually.


I mean really, half the reason people watch the Super Bowl is for the fucking COMMERCIALS. Yeah. You know it. The goddamn commercials.


Are we that starved for entertainment that we would rather spend an entire Sunday watching COMMERCIALS interspersed with burly men reaching between the legs of other spandex clad burly men to retrieve an egg shaped ball? (Lest we forget the great symbol of American Male Masculinity, the great sweat drenched, heaving, quivering, football pile on.)


I mean really. An entire Sunday devoted to processed snacks, television commercials, and talking heads pontificating about a game in which there are two teams, let’s face it… NO ONE GIVES A FUCK ABOUT.


Luckily, in football’s absence, in the great and vast void it leaves in our hearts (before spring training begins) we shall all be able to turn our eyes to the most pathetic of all of our sport obsessions… College Hoops.




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