Admit it, Facebook is so 2007. Let’s go ahead and be okay with not being friends. I don’t really remember you, you don’t really remember me… I’m not getting invited to your daughter’s Bat Mitzvah and, well, you’re not getting invited to anything.
I recently accepted a friend request from someone who was a high school thug, a vicious, cruel, menacing thug. Someone that one avoided. Someone one feared. Someone one called ‘psycho’ and meant it. Why? Because I was curious. Now that’s idiotic. Of course, in the end, they turned into seemingly wonderful adults who appear to be loving, intelligent, hard working members of society and not featured in a documentary entitled “America’s Most Ludicrously Dangerous Prisoners Volume 1: Rabid Stranglers”. I am genuinely glad about, but it doesn’t mean we are friends. I will literally never see them again and even if I did, we wouldn’t recognize one another nor would we bro-hug it out so why did I accept their request? Because I’m a sucker. It changed nothing. It didn’t change my mind about them, we have the exact same relationship as before, a non-existent one. There is no us, there never was. If it wasn’t for Facebook I would have continued my life without ever thinking about them. Thanks to my sucker status I now have to read their MARDI GRAS!!! posts or posts about their children or that they “like” Capital One. That’s not a relationship that’s just eye gougingly boring. They have their own family, their own friends, their own select faction of people who want to see photos of them dressed like a 39 year old drunken leprechaun.
Why “unfollow” them or hide their posts when I can simply unfriend them? Why continue to play the game when I don’t have to? Most importantly, why stop with just them?
Currently, my news feed, which, as insanely low on my give-a-shit scale as it may be, is a wholly uninteresting combination of vaccination posts (pro and con), people who ABSOLUTELY can’t keep themselves from hitting “like” about every major corporation on Earth, articles with titles such as “Watch what this mom did with her old ice cube trays, what happens next will amaze you!”, GUNZ (both for and against), racism (both subtle and overt), religion (both for and against), and, as always, invitations to play online games.
So, the culling shall begin.
I assure you, I’m not trying to be cruel when I say, “I don’t care.” There’s just no good/happy, Zuckerbergian way to say it. I don’t care. You won’t even know I’m gone and I won’t have to read articles that “may surprise me!”
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