I hid on the porch tonight. The front porch. I went out to have a cigar and ducked and covered behind a chair as my neighbor came home. I felt crazy. I felt like a kid trying not to get busted. I can only imagine I was seen and probably looked like a great crazy moron, bundled in a giant coat and hat, curled in a ball on my own front porch behind a decorative folding chair.
At least it’ll make for a funny story for him to regale his wife with. “Hey, the dude next door was hiding behind a chair last night, what a weirdo.”
I love hiding. I love jumping out at my ever suspicious wife, trying in vain to scare her. I think she’s on to me and I know that she knows all my hiding spots.
But, there is one person who I can still scare and that is Chuckles the Beast! He’s easily duped and the scaring makes him go bananas and then we wrestle. My wife just looks at me and says things like, “you’re ridiculous.” She’s probably right. I’m so happy she tolerates me.
In the Independent City of St. Louis there are hideous, glaring sulfur vapor street lights every three houses which means that it is never dark, neither on the street or even in the alley. But the light to my right keeps turning off and suddenly, the ghoulish orange light is replaced with darkness and it is so very pleasant. Unfortunately, it keeps turning back on.
In Portland there are streetlights … nowhere. They’re at intersections and maybe in the middle of the block. But with all the tall evergreens they’re always just pools of light and shadows. It is dark there to the point of dangerous because they also just let the leaves and moss collect on the sidewalk and each step can suddenly become slippery and slimy. Danger indeed! But the darkness is so nice. I do miss that town.
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