Theater/Theatre

So, a few months into the new job I can say without hesitation that it is frustrating. I’ve been trying to figure out the quirks of the facility and like all facilities, Jesus are there some quirks.

I DO NOT miss lighting design for corporate meetings (but if you want me to prep your show for you, I’ll do it.)

I ABSOLUTELY NO NOT miss lighting design for concerts. Well, not that I really got to do that much after leaving corporate for concerts due to the job not really being “as advertised”, but either way, don’t miss it.

I do not miss airplanes or hotel rooms.

I do not miss room service. I do not miss overly helpful hotel clerks at swanky hotels. I do not miss housekeeping cleaning my room in spite of the “do not disturb” sign.

I do not miss drafting all night for weeks on end. I do not miss being told the budget two weeks out from the ship date. I do not miss budgets that are $50k less than what’s required to make it look like the rendering that was sold.

I do not miss the constant pressure to “get the rig up” when I am handling multiple semis worth of just lighting, all a la carte, barely prepped, and seeing it for the first time.

I do not miss that feeling when you’re 12 hours in and have spent all day wondering when you’re going go looking for that ONE THING that I missed to become apparent. I do not miss realizing that the ONE THING really isn’t there. I do not miss the phone call to the shop for the next flight out cargo shipment.

I do not miss outdoor shows. I do not miss packing for rain. I do not miss production managers. I do not miss tour managers. I especially do not miss house production managers. I do not miss en tour LD’s. I do not miss 20 hour days with no bus and no catering.

I do not miss making stagehands feel smart or good when they are neither. I do not miss babysitting. I do not miss being unable to call people “fucking whiny idiots” when they are exactly that. I do not miss ego-stroking.

I do not miss having to explain which end of the cable goes up and which end goes down for the third time to the same person. I do not miss having to NOT get angry when they hand me the wrong end of a piece of cable. I do not miss having to tell people to point all the conventional fixtures straight down and set all the fresnels to spot, all doors and shutters open, all pars with the bottle up and down only to come back from the racks and find everything rough focused, flooded, and horizontal.

I did enjoy finding the most worthless electrics stagehands on the call and putting them on un-bolting duty after making sure the sockets were set to tighten and not loosen. That would keep them out of my hair for at least a half an hour.

So that’s something.

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