TIP: Discourage teacher turnover by downplaying the importance of having money and respect
Perfect. 10/10 support all of these.
The Onion gets it
Discourage teacher turnover by downplaying the importance of having money and respect
Limit school shootings to once a year in order to give students more time to focus on schoolwork
Allow students from disadvantaged areas to be bussed into stronger schools, such as those in Finland or South Korea
Maybe get some underprepared, overconfident recent college graduates in there to figure things out
Federal law that prevents Dylan from raising his hand and wasting everybody’s time with the wrong answer
Get rid of fungi unit
Begin offering tenure to children who have been in the public school system for more than three years
Offset the failures of the education system by de-emphasizing the importance of success, self-worth, and intellectual ability in our culture at large
Tattoo grades on foreheads to shame low performers
Toss Northrop Grumman another $4.5 billion and see what kind of curriculum it pumps out
Whatever you do, don’t change anything about a property-tax-based funding system in which rich schools get richer while poor schools get poorer. That’s working just fine.
Cut losses and reallocate funding to nation’s prison system
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