Rage?

A friend of mine asked after I quit my job, “was it because of your rage?”

No, it was because I hated my job and day in and day out I was dismissed, ignored, and shut out because they didn’t like the answers that I have them when they asked my opinion.

I quit because I was not viewed as a team player even though all of the things I did we’re to make the show better. Me and the rest of my office felt like the entire company was phoning it in and hamstringing themselves every step of the way.

I quit because scenic renderings defied the laws of physics.

I quit because my office was the filter for every show we did. From the dumbest little Christmas party to 16 truck shows. We handled every order, every list, every drawing and there was no backup, no second shift.

I was working 18 hour days, taking on tasks and projects because there were things that needed to be done and no one else to do them.

I quit because we couldn’t hire anyone. I quit because we never got raises. Not even cost of living increases.

I quit because I give a shit and I want to do good work.

I quit because I wanted to do better and make better things happen, because I wanted the place to be a more hospitable and open environment, I quit because I wanted to make things I was proud of.

I quit because I was honest. Abrasive at times, sure, but not without warrant.

I quit because nearly every day… for FIVE YEARS… the owner of the company asked me “how are you wasting my money today?” and “tell me why I shouldn’t fire you”.

I quit because every executive except for my direct supervisor didn’t understand what a Lighting Designer is nor did they understand what I did.

I quit because the owner pulled my hours and asked my boss and former boss what I did and why I was at work for so many hours and for so many days a year. I quit because I was salaried.

/p>

I quit because my position was deemed without value.

I quit because being told daily that I’m “worthless” and that I need to give the owner of the company “one good reason” why I shouldn’t be fired gets old after working 40 consecutive days in a row.

I quit because I was tired of being mad all the time. I quit because I couldn’t stand being angry anymore. I quit because goddammit I tried like hell to make it work.

I quit because we had the opportunity to do awesome shit but we never did. I quit because the company grew and the shows grew but the technology didn’t and the mindset of the creative team stayed exactly the same.

I tried to pull off the impossible with the three other people in my office, but there comes a point where you just can’t give a fuck anymore. There comes that moment where the battle we desperately fought to do the best work we were capable of wasn’t worth my fucking time.

I quit because one day I looked down and discovered that I wasn’t chained to my fucking desk and this goddamn job is not my life.

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